How do you usually embrace the changes that come into your life?
Is it easy for you to leave behind a person, a place, or a chapter of life that once meant everything to you?
Is it something that comes naturally to you, or are there any moments when you struggle and feel resistant to it?
In my case, I feel that change is something I really need in my life, more often than others, I would say, if I start to compare myself with friends or people I know.
My Teenage Years: Always Looking for Something New
Going back to my age between 15 and 20, I remember getting bored very quickly and always looking for new things to do, new experiences, new places to visit, new courses to take, and new people to meet.
At 15, I started living alone in Bucharest. I was born in a small mountain town in Romania, where everyone who reached the age of 15 and graduated from 8th grade had to move to a different city to pursue high school and higher education.
I can’t imagine how my parents felt at that time about me moving so far away, about four hours from home at the age of 15. There was a closer option, about an hour and a half away, but I chose to move as far away as I could to follow my dreams and become an actress. At least, this is what I dreamed about and wanted to do back then.
When I look back, I feel like I’ve lived three lives in one. By the age of 30, I had experienced so many things and had already lived in so many places.
From My 20s Into My 30s: The Years When Freedom, Adventure, and Discovery Mattered More Than Comfort
Our 20s are the perfect time in our lives to experience as much as we can, and usually, we don’t have the highest expectations from our way of living. At least, this is how it was for me.
When I moved to the USA, I was just so happy to be here that I didn’t really care that I had to share a room with three other girls I didn’t know, around my age, from different countries, who were here for the same reason: to work hard and discover a new world.
I was so happy to have moved to a different country, that I didn’t care too much about where I lived or who I shared accommodation with, as long as I felt safe and had the minimum living conditions.
When Change Started to Bring Some Resistance
As we age, our perspective on change becomes different.
I still love changes in my life, but there is a certain resistance I feel in each situation.
There is also a certain amount of anxiety and worry about the unknown.
I think twice before I would make a decision that involves any type of risk.
I am sure that in the past, there were also certain emotions I felt right before experiencing something new, but at that time, I didn’t have a name for what I was feeling.
For example, I didn’t use the word anxiety until later, maybe when I reached my 30s. Now, when I look back, I know it was there, but I simply didn’t know how to name it.
Why Does Change Become More Challenging as We Age?
So, what exactly happens to us as we get older when it comes to change?
Growing older doesn’t necessarily mean becoming less adventurous. I am sure we all still have that young spirit in us and want to explore the world as much as we can.
But if you were to move to a different city, change your job, or go to live in a different country, there might be a bit more resistance in us before we make that change.
Transitioning into adulthood involves more than just life’s adventures. We still desire change, but at the same time, we want more stability, financial security and we have more responsibilities. We are concerned about the consequences that come with change and we worry more about what could go wrong in the new chapter of our lives.
What Does Psychology Say About Our Relationship With Change?
1. Our Priorities Change as We Get Older
As I started wondering why change feels different to me today, I became curious about whether there was a psychological explanation.
Becoming more emotionally aware can change how we interpret our experiences.
If, at a younger age, you embraced change much more easily, at a later age, things may have changed a bit. We are more aware of our emotions and our attitudes when we face a new experience.
One of the most relevant theories is called Socioemotional Selectivity Theory, developed by psychologist Laura Carstensen at Stanford University.
The theory suggests that our priorities shift depending on how much time we perceive ourselves to have ahead of us.
When we’re younger, we often prioritize exploration, gathering knowledge, meeting people, and discovering possibilities.
As we grow older, we may attribute greater importance on emotional satisfaction, meaningful relationships, and experiences that feel worthwhile.
After your 30s, you might still want that adventure, but you’d probably consider some additional factors too: your financial security, living conditions, relationships, and long-term plans.
2. Our Brains Learn from Past Experiences
Our brains use previous experiences to help predict what might happen next. Brain networks involved in memory, emotional processing, and decision-making contribute to how we evaluate unfamiliar situations.
When you’re young, you may have fewer experiences. As you accumulate more experiences, you also accumulate memories of what went well and what didn’t.
For example, moving to a new country at 25 might feel exciting because you’re focused on the opportunities. At 37, you might also remember the difficulties of finding accommodation, adapting to unfamiliar environments, and rebuilding your life.
So, your brain has more information to consider.
However, having more experience doesn’t automatically mean becoming more fearful. Experience is that one that make us become more confident and resilient along the way.
3. Our Relationship with Risk and Uncertainty Can Change
When we’re younger, we may be more willing to take chances without thinking too much about what could go wrong.
As we grow older, we become more cautious about certain decisions, especially when they involve our careers, finances, or personal lives.
According to research published in Current Opinion in Psychology in 2024, older adults generally report being less willing to take risks in several areas of life. However, researchers also found that this doesn’t necessarily mean older adults take fewer risks in every situation.
Our decisions depend on many factors, including the circumstances, the possible consequences, and our individual experiences.
For example, you might still feel excited about traveling to an unfamiliar country, but the idea of quitting your job and moving there without a financial plan could make you anxious.
Bottom Line: Finding a Balance Between Change and Stability
Getting older doesn’t necessarily mean we are less adventurous. I would say that it simply means we are becoming more selective about which adventures deserve our energy and want new experiences that align more closely with our life values we have.
As the time pass by, I am still in need of change, but what makes the difference right now for me is that my desire for new experiences begins competing with my need for stability.
So, next time when you crave that change in your life and feel resistance to it, don’t believe you are less courageous, than you used to. The truth is that you are simply thinking twice before you take a decision.
So go ahead and bring that adventure you want in your life, but measure twice any risk you might take and let the fear of unknown and excitement to exist together.
